Uncle Walter's Bad Romance Novel Covers

A woman needs a man like a fish needs a --

RING!

Slightly Engaged -- Wendy Markham

Of course it didn't work out. You let a pre-schooler design your wedding invitations.

If ever there was a bad sign, that's it.

Technical Hitch -- Jane Sigaloff

The creepiest blind date ever.

There are plans.

The Best Blind Date in Texas -- Victoria Chancellor

You are cordially invited to "get some"

RSVP in my pants.

Invitation to Love -- Leigh Michaels

The demise of their marriage was a surprise to precisely no one

And she managed to save money on lawyer's fees.

Secret Weapon Spouse -- B.J. Daniels

Hello there, my brothers. I almost didn't see you. I am the Prince of Persuasia.

There are 3 steps to persuading women.

Step 1: Trap Your Princess. Physically corner her in a room -- and eventually in your life.

Step 2: Insult Your Princess. Insult her face, her body, her brain, her car. The lower her self-esteem, the higher your chances, bro. It's been biologically proven. By me.

Step 3: Brag. Not lying, but close. Make up a story about how you single-handedly murdered a wild animal. Your story's going to release a hormone deep inside her body, called Insatia. It makes women ovulate -- for sex!

Wed Him Before You Bed Him -- Sabrina Jeffries

TLC's new reality show

The Devil's in the details. 

Weddings from Hell -- Maggie Shane, Jeaniene Frost, Terri Garcey, Kathryn Smith

He was going to pay for shoving cake into her face. In some not so subtle way.

Right now.

Taken on Trust -- Sally Wentworth

Just think about it: A whole generation's wedding photos will look like this

Followed by crops of "Bellas" and "Edwards." Which won't be nearly as bad as the sadistic people who will actually name their kids "Renesmee."

Biting the Bride -- Clare Willis

I got married to the widow next door, She's been married 2 times before, And every one was a George

She wouldn't have a Willy or a Sam. I'm her 3rd old man, I'm George, George the 3rd I am!

The Third George -- Jean Plaidy/Victoria Holt