Uncle Walter's Bad Romance Novel Covers

She really hated it when he called her that

Night Secrets -- Kat Martin

Fall head over heels for one of our smoldering hot mail order brides

Free return shipping if she isn't the right fit.

Or if you can no longer stomach looking at her hideous floral jumpsuit. Then again, it just might prove that your match is made in Heaven!

Bride on Approval -- Elizabeth Ashton

Who needs perspective? There are just a couple of things off, anyway.

Like the bird. Or the boat. Or the rocks. Or his tiny arm compared to his giant hands. Or her long arm. Or her huge butt. Or her itty-bitty calf.

Yeah, no one will notice those kinds of things.

The Last Viking -- Sandra Hill

Cover Showdown: Who wore it worse?

Alert reader greenjeans1978 spotted a recycled cover. But not in the "Uncle Walter and The Wife have forgotten to put that cover in the used covers folder and posted it again" way. Rather in the "wait a darn minute here..." kind of way.

So we're having a Cover Showdown! Which book wore it worse? Defiant Spitfire by Kay McMahon:

Or Lord of the Night by Connie Mason:

Vote now!

Defiant Spitfire -- Kay McMahon
Lord of the Night -- Connie Mason

P.S. Apparently we've purchased "Lord of the Night" twice. This one is the Large Print, but we used the "regular print" in our prior post.

A romance novel cover is never a Spring. Get the idea out of your head now.

Yellow tones will never make them look anything but jaundiced.

Lord of the Night -- Connie Mason

I don't think either one of you are familiar with your problem.

You're gonna need a bigger Trochus.

Erin's Ecstasy -- Sylvie F. Somerfield

Edited into AWESOMENESS by one of our Tumblr followers, staysandstories!

What could possibly go wrong?

Everyone knows drilling platforms are foolproof.

Well, okay, mostly foolproof.

Okay, somewhat foolproof.

...

We got nothin'.

Claws of a Wildcat -- Sue Peters

Art styles in romance novel cover design

Fauvism: distorted shapes & blatant disregard for perspective. Evident by his truckasaurus hands and her mile-long arm.

This next example is somewhat confusing. It's sort of a combination of representational, rococo, and gothic art styles. It also makes the subjects look like zombies.

Are any of these styles romantic? Or attractive? Art is subjective, of course, but our opinion is no.

Dark Before the Rising Sun -- Laurie McBain

Zombie Defense Strategy #15

Overly dramatic knee to the groin. Probably would have been more effective if she didn't have wispy trails of material to grab on to and he didn't have a Truckasaurus hand. If she can break away she'll have a chance, though. He won't be able to chase very well with only one leg.

Enchantress -- Constance O'Banyon

How the upper class "motorboat"

Motoryacht. Whatever. 

Blue Lotus -- Margaret Way