Uncle Walter's Bad Romance Novel Covers

He's trustworthy, loyal, helpful, friendly, courteous, kind, obedient, cheerful, thrifty, brave, clean, reverent... and gay?

Well, I guess you're out of the Cub Scouts.

WildWood -- Lynna Banning

I just don't feel that you're really committed to this relationship

I'm not sure what it is. You just seem to be on the fence about it.

It's the horse, isn't it?

McCavett's Bride -- Carol Finch

Romantic Avengers #6: Agent Coulson

If you try to escape, or play any sort of games with me, I will taze you and watch "Supernanny" while you drool into the grass.

Secret Defender -- Debbi Rawlins

Halfway across the globe and we're standing on new ground...

Screaming 'cross the waves you can't hear a sound.
There's no fair trials, no trade, no liberties, no tea
We've colonized America; we won't stand for tyranny... Oh king

And it's too late to apologize...

Desert Justice -- Valerie Parv

Okay folks, we are halfway complete with today's broadcast. You want to get in on these deals, call now!

Next item is... this is item 45-78111. Look at this stunning pump action shotgun! This shotgun has a genuine faux wood grip. Faux is a French word. It's got an "x" in it but you don't even pronounce the "x" -- how do you like that for prestigious? These normally go for $6,000,000. We're gonna sell these today for... uh... $320. That's a steal!

Undercover Wife -- Debra Webb

If anyone needs me...

I'll be in the clock tower.

Zombie Moon -- Lori Devoti

Let's see: Gum wrapper, pocket lint, lighter... Ooo! Flamethrower! Ring of power, dunno what that is, roll of quarters... Wait, that's not a roll of... Ah! Here they are!

Okay... All right... Here we go... Aaaand, opening. On one. Next time. Spatial relationships. Okie-doke! Come to papa! Male end, female end...

Stryker's Wife -- Dixie Browning

Try your luck, he said. Shoot out the star, he said. Three tries for a dollar, he said.

Didn't tell me I wouldn't get to choose the prize. What the hell am I supposed to do with this damn woman?

Shotgun Bride -- B.J. Daniels

Chuck Norris: putting the "laughter" in manslaughter.

You don't find Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris finds you. And when he does, you'll look just like this chick. That guy with the gun? He was aiming at Chuck Norris: the gun is running away.

Death Badge -- Bill Reno

**That was "Western Week" with Uncle Walter. We hope you enjoyed the break from our regularly scheduled smut. We now return to our standard programming.

No! You fall down after I hit you, not before!

That's it, I'm calling your understudy.

Guilty as Charged -- J. R. Roberts