Uncle Walter's Bad Romance Novel Covers

That's a Compact Laser Deluxe! Where were you hiding that?

You really don't want to know.

Seducer -- Aubrey Ross

If this didn't work she was going to start bringing along a measuring tape.

Because damn if she wasn't tired of being lied to.

The Hell-Cat and the King -- Barbara Cartland

See those eyebrows? Those are his serious eyebrows.

Someone's getting shot and it's not going to be him.

The Mysterious Maid-Servant -- Barbara Cartland

We're not sure that context would really help here...

But we're guessing almost any explanation would be better than what it looks like.

Because it looks like sniper dude shot this guy's butt off so he wouldn't cut it up having sex on the broken glass.

All In Time -- Ciana Stone

He takes breast health very seriously

It was time for his monthly exam.

The Demon of Synar -- Donna McDonald

The demise of their marriage was a surprise to precisely no one

And she managed to save money on lawyer's fees.

Secret Weapon Spouse -- B.J. Daniels

Welcome to the Gun Show

Featuring "Righty."

Jane's Warlord -- Angela Knight

The axes, bowling pins, flaming batons, and chainsaws were bad enough.

But the shotgun. Oh, why did they have to bring in the shotgun!

The Juggler -- Michael Blankfort

The seal goes ow ow ow ow ow

Good boy! Have some fish!

SEALed and Delivered -- Jill Monroe

Sometimes we just don't know where to begin

Shall we start with the fact that this "Comanche Woman" is pale skinned and red-haired? Or that it looks like she has three arms and man-hands? Or that he looks like his body is facing away from us? Or that there's no logical explanation for the blob of dark cloth under her(?) left arm? Or how about the completely anachronistic dress whose arm bands and fringe are the only indicators that this book isn't a regency novel? Or how about the giant image of Texas nestled in her cleavage? It's all just so overwhelming!

Comanche Woman -- Joan Johnston