Uncle Walter's Bad Romance Novel Covers

I think you were a bit misleading in your OKCupid profile.

That is a jet and you own it. But it would need to be at least... three times bigger than this!

Flown by the Billionaire -- Carla Davis

Don't become a hairless statistic. Wear your safety gear.

Each of the workers in the oil and gas extraction and support industry wears OSHA mandated flame-resistant clothing to prevent their chest hair from being burnt off like what happened here.

Black Gold -- Ruby Laska

It was the 80s. Everyone did things they're not proud of.

Men in short-shorts is one of those things.

Surrender -- Emily Carmichael

Is that, like, the rich person version of Mentos and Diet Coke?

Also, did a lady from a Robert Palmer video just get married? Is that what just happened here?

Champagne and Lemon Drops -- Jean Oram

You have taken the land which is rightfully ours. Years from now my people will be forced to live in mobile homes on reservations.

Your people will wear cardigans, and drink highballs. We will sell our bracelets by the road sides, you will play golf, and enjoy hot hors d'oeuvres. My people will have pain and degradation. Your people will have stick shifts. The gods of my tribe have spoken. They have said, "Do not trust the Pilgrims, especially Sarah Miller."

Lady of the Line -- Craig Barstow

She really had to go.

Soon that will be "Natural Spring Water."

True Love and Other Disasters -- Rachel Gibson

Ten of them involve cats. The other ten are about bones.

He never claimed to be deep.

Twenty Wishes -- Debbie Macomber

¿uʍop-ǝpısdn noʎ ǝɹɐ ʎɥʍ

I'm not upside-down. You're upside-down.

Undeniably Yours -- Shannon Stacey

Not sure if he's wearing nude stretchy pants...

Or wore a long sleeved shirt while sun bathing.

Touch of Lace -- Elizabeth DeLancey

We've got a case of Buttaface. When everything's hot but the face. And that one nipple.

Eh. Just stick a hat on him.

Also, throw in a really creepy looking covered wagon. That should distract the eye.

Orchids in Moonlight -- Patricia Hagan