Uncle Walter's Bad Romance Novel Covers

This seems like an inappropriate outfit for a "schoolmarm."

On the other hand, attendance is way up.

A Splendid Yearning -- Myra Rowe

We're not sure that context would really help here...

But we're guessing almost any explanation would be better than what it looks like.

Because it looks like sniper dude shot this guy's butt off so he wouldn't cut it up having sex on the broken glass.

All In Time -- Ciana Stone

Dear Sir stroke Madam. Fire, exclamation mark. Fire, exclamation mark.

Help me, exclamation mark... Looking forward to hearing from you.

Claimed! -- Vicki Lewis Thompson

He takes breast health very seriously

It was time for his monthly exam.

The Demon of Synar -- Donna McDonald

We need to have a talk about "safe sex."

In that this? This is not safe!

Just Passing Through -- Ashielle Rose

He looks like he's going to set a fire.

 He wouldn't do that, would he?

Well then.

Some Like it Ruthless -- Megan Bryce
Lust -- Laura Cooper

Imagine trying to attach these limbs the way they are positioned

Nothing lines up. They would look like some sort of deformed octopi.

Also, they should put a sheet on the bed. They're going to ruin the mattress that way. Of course, given that it's approximately half their sizes, that might be in their interest.

Silver Flame -- Susan Johnson

Are they really teeny-tiny?

Or are those flowers very large?

Huh. This clarifies nothing.

Taming Charlotte -- Linda Lael Miller

There's only one way for flesh-toned yoga pants to end.

Tragically.

Surrender My Love -- Johanna Lindsey

It's time for another edition of "Whitewash ain't just for painting!"

Brought to you today by "Offensive Douche," now in asshole scent.

Savage Heat -- Nan Ryan