Uncle Walter's Bad Romance Novel Covers

These are not good Life Survival skills. You are going to die.

Because you are an appetizer.

Hungry Tigress -- Jade Lee

You're not even trying any more, are you?

Is Jensen Ackles getting paid for this?

The Summons & The Goblin King -- Shona Husk

P.S. Yes, we do realize that these books are both part of the same story within the same series. However, they're the exact same cover just in different colors and he's... what? Backing away from us? Did we scare him?

P.P.S. Seriously, when are they going to stop using him as a cover model?

How many cans of aerosol hairspray were sacrificed to make that monstrosity?

It's bigger than both their heads combined. It's wider than her hips. It's proportional to her torso!

Change of Pace -- Sharon Brondos

It's like Bathtub Gin only a little less caustic

They call it Bathtub Ginny.

Daring in the Dark -- Jennifer LaBrecque

Old Ghost Rider, blond Gaston, and zombie Napoleon are taking Ariel on a carriage ride

What? No, we're not telling a joke. We're trying to figure out WTF is going on.

Love's Tender Fury -- Jennifer Wilde

Your. Hair. Is. On. FIRE.

Doesn't this strike you as of, perhaps, some import? Because it seems like it should be of some import to you.

The Becoming -- Jeanne C. Stein

Ben Affleck's biography

With new addendum: "Now I'm Batman, too!"

From Daredevil to Devoted Daddy -- Barbara McMahon

Think of the children!

And the fact that they would have extremely short torsos, disturbingly long legs, and think mullets are appropriate hairstyles.

These two cannot be allowed to breed.

Secrets of a Summer Night -- Lisa Kleypas

Next week on the Maury Povich show

You'd think those deformed hands might make her easy to identify.

Whose Child? -- Susan Gable

The parrot was never the same

Heartless bastards that they were, they just didn't care.

Ashes & Ecstasy -- Catherine Hart