Uncle Walter's Bad Romance Novel Covers

It wasn't so much that he was afraid of women

It was more that he was petrified.

The Stone Prince -- Gena Showalter

Levitation and Jeggings

In which Uncle Walter attempts to more accurately rename romance novels based solely on the cover art.

Just Wicked Enough -- Lorraine Heath

Virgin self-sacrifice

We're not certain this is really "romantic" enough, but there's too much vaginal emphasis to ignore.

Whatever else happens in this book, when the cover literally points to the crotch, we've gotta consider it fair game.

Emergence -- Robert D. San Souci

In the game of Wife, she came in second place

If you're not first, you're last.

The Other Bride -- Lisa Bingham

Many little girls love horses

Some grow up to really love horses.

High Stakes -- Lisa Jackson

Remake movies at your own risk!

Basil Karlo didn't stand for it.

He and Lady Clay started up the Mudpack.

They would have gotten away with their schemes, too, if it hadn't been for the bat-costumed psycho and his pedo boy-toy.

Alessandro -- Vincent Filippazzo

You can't very well take over the world until you're drop-dead gorgeous!

But she can't make herself beautiful, because she ran out of her favorite hair spray.

The only supply of Stiff Beauty left in the world is at the old abandoned Old Abandoned Russian Cathedral. And she intends to use her She-Mobile (horse) to get her there!

Wrap Me In Splendor -- Ellen Tanner Marsh

Fall head over heels for one of our smoldering hot mail order brides

Free return shipping if she isn't the right fit.

Or if you can no longer stomach looking at her hideous floral jumpsuit. Then again, it just might prove that your match is made in Heaven!

Bride on Approval -- Elizabeth Ashton

Titles are important, too: Part 2

This is supposed to be "...a dazzlingly erotic tale..." Just so you know.

Surely you gleaned that from the cover? No?

Well, at least the title makes it obvious.

 A Maggot -- John Fowles

 

Oh, look. Morgan fell down the waterfall.

We should probably help. Or something.

Morgan's Rescue -- Lindsay McKenna