Uncle Walter's Bad Romance Novel Covers

"Have you ever thought about the fact that like 6 people died because romeo couldn't control his dick?"

Must have been one hell of a dick.

Wild Jasmine -- Bertrice Small

Where the hell did you learn your interrogation techniques?!

She's a witness, not a suspect!

The Night in Question -- Kelsey Roberts

You... uh... should probably get that looked at

Maybe, I dunno, go see a dermatologist or something?

Dragon Bound -- Thea Harrison

Titles are important, too

So it's not "The German Gazillionaire's Virgin Nanny Mistress Housekeeper," but sometimes simple titles can go awry, too.

There is no good way to put a bedroom seduction scene with a title like that.

Daddy's Girl -- Janice Kaiser

How cute, a man and a puppy! Wait...

Which is tempted? And by what?

Jordan -- Lori Foster

Have you caught Hulkamania? No?

Well, he's right over there! Go catch him!

Loving Lies -- Lora Leigh

Who needs perspective? There are just a couple of things off, anyway.

Like the bird. Or the boat. Or the rocks. Or his tiny arm compared to his giant hands. Or her long arm. Or her huge butt. Or her itty-bitty calf.

Yeah, no one will notice those kinds of things.

The Last Viking -- Sandra Hill

Close, but no cigar. Assuming you're attracted to men, that is.

Actual chest hair. Muscular but not disgustingly so. Jeans that are well fitted and just revealing enough. Sweat-sheened skin. Even the motorcycle gives off just the right "bad boy" vibes. But...

Is he on a barge? A raft? Okay, fine, let's stretch credulity enough to assume he can walk on water. It hardly seems likely that the motorcycle is divine. Holy Harley?

Nauti Nights -- Lora Leigh

Bad cover bingo

Inappropriate and impractical attire, improbable posture, and a random wolf.

This is kind of a case where winning is really losing.

Dark Slayer -- Christine Feehan

Maybe just a baby

I'm on a diet.

Room For One More -- Virginia Nielsen