Uncle Walter's Bad Romance Novel Covers

It was a-- it was a little, glowing, hot naked lady. With nipples.

I’m not supposed to laugh, right? Right. Okay. Sure.

Soulful Sex -- Diana Laurence

Tales of the Easily Impressed

Oooo! Clouds!

Colby Velocity -- Debra Webb

And the nominees for "Worst Supporting Hairstyles" are...

Mullet Man: with his 70s inspired pompadour in front and a near-rattail in back, he is a combo to put other mullets to shame!

And...

Cotton Candy Head: with her pale-pastel colored hair and its bizarre wind-blown-without-wind look, it's so realistic that Mullet Man is trying to eat it!

Windsong -- Valerie Sherwood

Is the building on fire?

No, but it's gonna need a paint job and a shit load of screen doors.

Captive of the Desert King -- Donna Young

Of course I'm serious. This is my serious face.

It's also my confused face, my sad face, my happy face, and my sweaty face. I don't have a lot of variation in my expressions. Thankfully most people are easily distracted by my shiny abs.

Safe Harbor -- Christine Feehan

Every year, thousands suffer cruelly, forced to fight for spectator amusement...

In their natural environments, they may fight over territory or a mate, but these fights are usually brief and don't involve serious injury.

However, through breeding, feeding, training, steroids and vitamins, they soon become killing machines for entertainment.

Put an end to cockfighting!

Devil of the Highlands -- Lynsay Sands

"I want you to draw me like one of your Italian Renaissance girls."

"Wearing this..."

"Eh... I don't know. You're kind of scrawny. And you're kind of lacking in the 'baby Jesus wang' department."

Lord of the Night -- Susan Wiggs

Don't you hate those subscription clubs?

Sure, you can keep the ones you want and send the rest back, but you have to pay shipping and handling. Even when you try to cancel, they just keep sending you more, and the products never look like they do in the ads.

Friday Night Mistress -- Jan Colley

So I fuckin’ ran up behind him with a hatchet. Smash. Smash. SU-MASH!

Kai was soon on the road in a new direction -- to becoming the best damn fire-fighter/surfer the world had ever seen!

Kansas City's Bravest -- Julie Miller

That's rigor mortis, not a loving embrace

How can we tell? Well, the broken neck for one!

Forever His -- Colleen Faulkner