Uncle Walter's Bad Romance Novel Covers

You any idea what it's like to be locked up in a rotten egg for 6,000 years? It's boring.

Not to mention I've had a charley horse since the Renaissance.

With One Look -- Jennifer Horsman

Happy Birthday, Uncle Walter!

Happy Birthday to the coolest, most awesome blogging spouse in existence. You rock and roll, babe!

-- The Wife

There's a bump on the leg of the dude in the hole in the beach.

What do you mean, he's not standing in a hole?

Oh.

That's unfortunate.

Duke of Sin -- Adele Ashworth

Literal boy messed up the cook-out again.

All he had to do was bring the steak. *smh*

Rises the Night -- Colleen Gleason

Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale, a tale of a wrinkled dick...

Long, long ago (not that long, damnit!) in a state far away, The Wife spent a lot of time at a local hospital, usually doing her college classwork. Her mom was a nurse, you see, and, being the wonderful person and "dutiful" daughter that she was, TW would often give her mom a ride home.

One fateful day a new patient had been admitted to the floor and was driving TW's mother insane (or, rather, more insane). Since they both eventually wanted to get out of there, TW volunteered to go speak to the patient so that her mother could finish making her reports.

The man was old. No, really: OLD. Like, over 100. And he talked a LOT. One of the many things he said was that he had fallen and hurt his hip. He asked if she wanted to see it. TW, being the friendly sort, said "sure!" And the patient, the really, really old patient, eagerly moved to show her.

This action would have life-long consequences. In that, when he lifted the blanket to show her, he managed to pull up the edge of his adult diaper, too. There is no adequate way to describe what The Wife saw that day. He was probably perfectly normal looking for a 100+ year old man. But to a 17 year old girl, it was, to put it mildly, a bit traumatic.

And this cover? This cover is exactly how that man revealed himself. Less the wrinkly, grey-haired mass of genitals. But still...

Sevin -- Elizabeth Amber

You get what you pay for

Unfortunately, in this case "Five Below" wasn't just a reference to price.

Bargain Wife -- Mary Burchell

Don't look now, but I think it's watching us.

I said don't look! Oh, great. It's spotted us. Wave! Just wave and say "hi" and let's get out of here before it starts showing us pictures of its grandkids!

Midnight Moon -- Lori Handeland

Gentlemen, Gentlemen! A secretary is not a toy, no, my boy, not a toy...

to fondle and dandle and playfully handle in search of some puerile joy.

\

Reader submission by Tallahassee East/Monticello KOA
Uncle Walter has verified ownership of this book.

Rainbow's End -- Joan Sargent

Next up on the Slave Shopping Network...

I know one of 'em's just right for you and your home!

Hidden Agendas -- Lora Leigh

P.S. If you haven't seen "C.S.A.: The Confederate States of America" it's worth watching. Disturbing, but worth watching.

P.P.S. That's a small tear in the cover of the book, and yes, we do know how oddly placed it is.

The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy has a few things to say on the subject of towels.

A towel, it says, is about the most massively useful thing an interstellar hitchhiker can have. Partly it has great practical value. You can wrap it around you for warmth as you bound across the cold moons of Jaglan Beta; you can lie on it on the brilliant marble-sanded beaches of Santraginus V, inhaling the heady sea vapours; you can sleep under it beneath the stars which shine so redly on the desert world of Kakrafoon; use it to sail a miniraft down the slow heavy river Moth; wet it for use in hand-to-hand combat; wrap it round your head to ward off noxious fumes or avoid the gaze of the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal (a mind-boggingly stupid animal, it assumes that if you can't see it, it can't see you - daft as a bush, but very ravenous); you can wave your towel in emergencies as a distress signal, and of course dry yourself off with it if it still seems to be clean enough.

Most important, however is to remember to also wear underwear. 

Hot and Bothered -- Lori Foster, Laura Bradley, Gayle Callen, Victoria Marquez