Uncle Walter's Bad Romance Novel Covers

And so, Arthur, we learned that gambling is bad and yet in a certain sense, isn't life itself a gamble? You can never be sure of anything.

Like who would have thought that dolphins could go bad and that fish were magnetic? Not me, no sir, not me. 

Bad Company -- Theresa Gladden

Everybody was a baby once, Arthur. Oh, sure, maybe not today, or even yesterday. But once.

Babies, chum: tiny, dimpled, fleshy mirrors of our us-ness, that we parents hurl into the future, like leathery footballs of hope. And you've got to get a good spiral on that baby, or evil will make an interception. 

First-Time Father -- Emma Richmond

Some things are meant to be left in the past.

Those clothes for instance.

Yesteryear's Love -- Janet Quinn

Come on, you lipstick-wearing felch monkey!

Tell me where you hid the remote!

Forbidden Fires -- Bobbi Smith

Why is nobody else wearing a T-shirt under their flight suit?

Because this thing feels amazing! Like, it’s like a, a vagina with a zipper.

Breathless Descent -- Lisa Renee Jones

Oh. Um. Yeah. We spent some time together in prison.

Let me guess. Judging by... his size... I'd say you were the bitch, am I right?

Because You're Mine -- Nan Ryan

Dr. Doofenshmirtz quickly learned that Australia wasn't any easier to conquer than the Tri-State Area

Curse you, Kelly the Koala! 

Centrefold -- Valerie Parv

On this ship, you are to refer to me as "idiot," not "you captain"!

Prepare ship for ludicrous speed!


...Did I miss something? When did we get to Disneyland?

Providence -- Miranda Jarrett

Whadda ya say? We'll move to New York. That's what that city's good at...

Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses. And maybe the odd pig slave-Dalek mutant hybrid too.

Marry Me, Cowboy -- Peggy Moreland

What kind of plane is it?

Oh, it's a big pretty white plane with red stripes, curtains in the windows and wheels and it looks like a big Tylenol.

Master of Uluru -- Helen Bianchin