Uncle Walter's Bad Romance Novel Covers

So I'll be your son. And I'll be your lover. 'Cause I know in our hearts we agree...

We don't have to be one or the other... We can be both to each other.

Lucas: The Loner -- Cindy Gerard

Comic books are much better today than they were when I was a kid!

Back then, all you could get were X-ray Glasses and Sea-Monkeys®. Now you can get a Wife! Too bad none of the products ever work as advertised. She just sits there babbling nonsense, like "сыром омлет."

Mail-Order Mother -- Kate Denton

His ardent prick stood like a bar of ivory, impatient for a breach to be opened for his advance to the assault of her tender virginity.

Or a flash of ankle. That would work, too.

With special thanks to: Forbidden Fruit Luscious and Exciting Story and More Forbidden Fruit or Master Percy's Progress In and Beyond the Domestic Circle, by Anonymous

Reader submission by Tallahassee East/Monticello KOA
Uncle Walter has verified ownership of this book.

The Angel of His Presence -- Grace Livingston Hill

It's an affliction that affects one in 240 million...

The shame is so great that third base is harder to reach than it is for the phobos-grunt probe to reach Mars.

Please donate to your local "never-nude" syndrome support center and never let someone live in cut-off denim shorts again.

The Seductive Imposter -- Janet Chapman 

Listen, woman, if I'd wanted to be nagged I would have brought your mother!

And how can you navigate with your eyes closed?! Fine, never mind, I'll just use the GPS.


Huh. TomTom™ said there was a bridge here.

Yet it did know about the cows.  Strange device.

A Fire In The Blood -- Shirl Henke

Sometimes practicality is more important than creativity.

When you have to do the laundry and the dishes, walk the dogs and wash the kids, you're better off doing each chore one at a time.

Otherwise douchebags will laugh at you.

McTavish and Twins -- Trisha David

Don't. Move. A muscle. There's a seaplane trying to land on your head.

It won't sting you if you don't make it angry.

Midnight Sun's Magic-- Betty Neels

The pellet with the poison's in the vessel with the pestle

But the genius with the penis will screw the hussy that's puss...  Hmm... Maybe he's not so much of a genius.

A Strangers Caress -- Susan Scarlett

Magic Mirror, on the wall, who, now, is the fairest one of all?

Damn it, not again! How many freaking metrosexuals do I have to kill? I'm running out of apples!

Fated Mates -- Delilah Devlin, Sally Painter, Charlotte Boyett-Compo

Jane says, "I'm done with Fabio!"

"He treats me like a rag doll!"

Her romance with Topaz Man was short lived, and she would later say that she's never been in love and doesn't know what it is.

The Shadow and The Star -- Laura Kinsale