Uncle Walter's Bad Romance Novel Covers

I can't take you anywhere, can I?

Yes, fine, it looks phallic. Now, will you please stop acting like a 6 year old?

Scorpion Summer -- Jacqueline Gilbert

Her experimental new cure for manorexia was showing promising results

You are getting huuuuungry, veeeery hungry.

Rebel's Spirit -- Susan Connell

I Just hate moist people They should just have to wear a sign that says, I'm Moist!

Here's your sign.

Slippery When Wet -- Kimberly Raye

Eau de Necrophilia: For the woman you just can't forget

Now sold at some fine Funeral Homes by Directors who will let you pay them to look the other way.

Sweet Obsession -- Kathy Jones

Wait... you mean that was the better one???

Remember this cover? Apparently we were wrong. Apparently her friends did let her know that her jacket photo wasn't... the most flattering she could have chosen. But it wasn't the one on that book that they convinced her to change. Behold: the hardback version.

Same cover. Okay.

Oh, dear Lord baby Jesus, lyin' there in your ghost manger, just lookin' at your Baby Einstein developmental videos, learnin' 'bout shapes and colors, why???

Sweeter Than Honey -- Mary B. Morrison

I am your number one fan. There is nothing to worry about. You are going to be just fine. I am your number one fan.

And don't even think about anybody coming for you. Not the doctors, not your agent, not your family. 'Cause I never called them. Nobody knows you're here. And you better hope nothing happens to me. Because if I die... you die.

Seducing Hunter -- Cathie Linz

Sealy Posturepedic Desert Delight mattress features 80-Grit Pulverized Rock technology

Now guaranteed to be at least 80% scorpion free!

Bed of Sand -- Laura Wright

Nobody's Princess...Well, at least not yet. Someday his prince will come....

And he'll be carrying a size 12EEEE glass pump.

Nobody's Princess -- Jennifer Greene

Luckily the "I Don't Give a Crap" levees were still holding!

And FEMA was standing by with "Who The Hell Cares?" packages.

My Give A Damn's Busted -- Carolyn Brown

How do I... y'know... with the tail and all?

I'm not your first am I? I mean, I-I lay my eggs and leave and you release your fertilizer.

The Mermaid Wife -- Rebecca Winters