Uncle Walter's Bad Romance Novel Covers

Sex with you, and some food, is all I need...

Sex with you, and some food... and a liver transplant... is all I need.

All I Need Is You -- Johanna Lindsey

Yeah, they charge extra for the clear coat, but isn't your baby worth it?

On the other hand, you can pass on the pinstriping and chrome detailing.

Blessed Baby -- Lois Richer

The economic downturn hit Russia especially hard, forcing the Kremlin to take extreme measures.

Medvedev called in The Great Hudinski who made the Red Square and Putin vanish forever. The economic recovery began soon thereafter.

The Beloved Scoundrel -- Iris Johansen

Be thankful for small miracles: At least he hasn't tried to pork her yet.

Besides, she's just using him because he brings home the bacon.

Angel in Marble -- Elaine Coffman

The Cobra Human Resources Department's new rewards program was a big hit

Storm Shadow was first to sign up for his own very "personal assistant."

The Cobra & The Concubine -- Bonnie Vanak

The adoption paper work read like a book.

Unfortunately that book was "Where's Waldo." And they really hated the name "Waldo."

The Baby Quest -- Pat Warren

I've got something in my pocket that belongs across your face

I keep it very close at hand, in a most convenient place.

I'm sure you wouldn't guess it if you guessed a long, long while. So I'll take it out and put it on. It's a great, big...

What? No doing? How about I show you a "sit-upon" instead?

Taboo -- Susan Johnson

The latest release from the Apathetic Romance Publisher's Neutral Novels line

"Yeah, I guess we can have sex now. If you really want to."

The Sun Witch -- Linda Winstead Jones

There are many Jeffs in the world, and many Toms as well. But I... am Sancho.

Are you Sancho? No you are not. Neither is Scott Baio Sancho. Frank Gifford is not Sancho. But I... am Sancho.

The Maverick Prince -- Catherine Mann

A short history of the American Civil War... As told through the covers of romance novels

In the south, in the dark days before the conflict, naked men blindly roamed the forests scooping up the field women and bopping them on the head. Down came the good fairy, and she said, "Let there be war!" 

As the battles raged on in the east, those in the west made love, not war. By having Buffalo Sex. Or sex with buffalo. We can't be quite sure. Either way, many a future hairy Spanish-American soldier was conceived.

Eventually, of course, the Confederates lost the war. The country had been torn asunder, and reparations were demanded. For a period of no less than 10 years, ladies from the south were forced to wear excessive blue eyeshadow and men were required to wear effeminate, pencil-thin mustaches. Floral hair adornments were optional. Other clothing-based punishments abounded. To this day, the country has not fully recovered.

Scientists, horrified at the sartorial devestation, have worked diligently to perfect time-travel, hoping to convince Andrew Johnson to enact less stringent, or at least less trashy, punishments. Unfortunately they have so far met with unexpected problems. One attempt resulted in a full grown man and woman arriving in 1/20th scale, at which point they were forced to make their homes in the walls.

April 12, 2011 is the 150th anniversary of the beginning of the American Civil War. Do you want to learn more? Take a voyage over to Professor Walter's History Lessons.

Southern Fire -- Ashley Snow
Always You -- Jill Gregory
Raven McCord -- Emily Austin
Yesterday's Promise -- Teresa George