Uncle Walter's Bad Romance Novel Covers

Wearing a badge and calling yourself a Ranger does not make you one

Honorary Texas Ranger Chuck Norris will kick your pansy ass.

Rawhide Ranger -- Rita Herron

He was a professional on the Potato Sack Race Circuit

Until a tragic suspender accident ended his promising career.  Sometimes, when the weather's fine, he drags the 'ole sack out and tries his hand at it just one more time.  Afterward he succumbs to a bout of melancholy, but the rush he gets at first always keeps him coming back for more.

Promised to a Stranger -- Linda O'Brien

Take only what you need to survive

The next time you're stranded on a desert planet you might want to think about a bringing a shirt and some food.  At least he left the industrial strength hair dryer behind.

Hot & Heavy -- Sandra Jill

Deeply Dippy, I'm your superman...

Your Ex may be too sexy for his shirt, but I'm...

Deeply Dippy 'bout your Spanish eyes, Sierra smile, legs that go on for miles and miles... well, leh-guh.  Don't know what happened to that other one...

Border Lord -- Arnette Lamb

Blazing Saddles told the truth...

Around the campfire beans are fine, with a lady not so much. Let's just say she was feeling the wind in her hair above... and below.

Ride the Wind -- Constance O'Banyon

This is your last chance to own The Home Weaponry Network's February "Sword of the Month"

Order now and receive this fine O'Neil Sword!  But, wait that's not all!

Order within the next five minutes and we will throw in the Lion Sword free!  You just pay shipping and handling.

Briana -- Ruth Langan
Lion's Lady -- Suzanne Barclay

I like to pick up guys on the rebound from a disappointing relationship.

They're much more in need of solace and they're fairly open to suggestion.

And, I use that to fuck them some place very uncomfortable.

Like in the basket of a bicycle.

Adios Muchachos -- Daniel Chavarria

Help me! My legs aren't working! Help me!

You know what this is?  This is simply a question of, uh, maintenance!  That's it, maintenance!  So get me some Super Glue.  Or some Duct Tape.  And find my other leg for me, will you, Ernest?  I think that horse ran off with it.

Prisoner of My Desire -- Johanna Lindsey

Blood donation can be risky...

When your phlebotomist is a 1,500 pound bull.  

Apache Fire -- Elizabeth Lane

Do you love The Leader more than having your very own brand new Hover Horse?

Damn Flanders for coming out too soon! We almost had him deprogrammed!

Courting Callie -- Lynn Erickson