Uncle Walter's Bad Romance Novel Covers

He would never live down the humiliation

Of wearing a brown turtleneck and a mustard yellow jacket with shoulder pads on a first date.

Night of Shame -- Miranda Lee

Alright you Primitive Screwheads, listen up! You see this? This...

...is my Rain Stick!

For the Love of a Pirate -- Edith Layton

The book "Home-Vasectomy for Dummies" was probably not his wisest investment

However, his follow up purchase of "The Idiot's Guide to Penis Reattachment Surgery" was money well spent!

The Chief -- Monica McCarty

I want a Dream Stalker, so I don't have to Stalk alone!

With a love, oh so true?  And a hand that I can hold.  Oh.  Wait.

Dream Stalker -- Jenna Kernan

People unclear on the concept

You're supposed to be running AWAY from him. AWAY. "James Dean Lite" seems utterly confused.

The Runaway Bride -- Adrianne Lee

This whole place is a giant mind fuck

Dear, God! I could describe the horror I am witnessing, but it is so fathomably ugly and heartrending that I cannot bring myself to do so, although I do possess the necessary descriptive powers.

Lady Defiant -- Suzanne Robinson

Please take her back! PLEASE!

Just give me back my... goats... uh... deer... um.... whatever the hell those are.  I like them better.

So, The Wife made an executive decision that, despite falling asleep early, there was no excuse for that travesty of a post.  This isn't particularly better, actually, but it's the best she could do on short notice.

A Bride for Ransom -- Renee Roszel

Little Boy Blue come blow...

...Oh. This would have worked a lot better if it had been a winged unicorn, wouldn't it? Hm... Oh well. It's late, we're tired, and we refuse to change it. Besides, we didn't take the easy gay joke, so we're already coming out ahead.

A Certain Magic -- Kathleen Morgan

I think we found where the carpet pissers breed

Also, let's not forget - let's *not* forget, Dude - that keeping wildlife, an amphibious rodent, for uh, domestic, you know, within the city - that ain't legal either.

Star Catcher -- Patricia Potter

Don't blink. Blink and you're dead. Don't turn your back. Don't look away. And don't blink.

Fascinating race, the Weeping Angels. The only psychopaths in the universe to kill you nicely. No mess, no fuss, they just zap you into the past and let you live to death. The rest of your life used up and blown away in the blink of an eye. You die in the past, and in the present they consume the energy of all the days you might have had, all your stolen moments. They're creatures of the abstract. They live off potential energy.

Flesh and Stone -- Vickie Taylor