Uncle Walter's Bad Romance Novel Covers

He surveyed the land he would one day rule... and he froze his ass off

He needed a Princess. One that would rule with him, that would help him to be a benevolent and just ruler... that would help him to stay warm. He needed... a Princess... of Thermal Underwear.

Prince of Ice -- Stobie Piel

Love? Lady, you're deluding yourself.

That man is wearing a sleeveless shirt, he is doing your makeup, and his hair has more product in it than yours. What do we need to do? Draw you a picture?

Look of Love -- Lynda Sandoval

It was a successful fishing expedition. He caught 15 Ewoks!

Fabio liked to frolic with the little woman before he made his new pair of boots.

Swan Road -- Rebecca Brandewyne

Day at the spa $200, Professional escort $480, Wearing your older, fatter Aunt's dress: free...

...Watching your boy toy trip on it and drop you down the stairs... Priceless.

Priceless -- Christina Dodd

Someone had their make-up gun set to "whore"

Brought to you by Mary Kay.

Star Dreams -- June Flaum Singer

Enter our caption contest! PLEASE!

Here's the thing...  People come to the site and they see the same post at the top and they think we're not updating the blog!  So... This is our current contest.  Enter it!

How many people do you have to blow to get a really, REALLY big pearl necklace?

Just the one, but you gotta get a load of his schlong. Get it? Get a load? Ha!

We really just wanted to say schlong. It's a good word.

Memory and Desire -- Carla Simpson

This is my sword. There are many like it but this one is mine.

My sword is my best friend. It is my life.

It's also very phallic.

Highlander Ever After -- Jennifer Ashley

Years of sophisticated testing will prove that the stain on Monica Lewinsky's dress is actually mustard.

Mustard from the head of Bill Clinton's penis.

Memoirs of a Scandalous Red Dress -- Elizabeth Boyle

This is only what's fit to show

You don't even want to know what was in the lower right hand corner to begin with.  Let's just say that the pony will never be quite the same.

Forbidden -- Caroline B. Cooney