Seriously, could this *be* any more racist? We've been unable to come up with a caption that adequately describes just how terrible this cover is. We leave it up to you, dear readers, to somehow capture this horror with humor and wit. If you can come up with something that makes both Uncle Walter and The Wife laugh, groan, or slap their respective foreheads, you win! What do you win? Cool Uncle Walter stuff! What could be better?
Enter as many times as you'd like. Submit anything you want, clean or dirty or anywhere in between. Use any source or reference that catches your fancy or just use your imagination. Email us, post your submissions at our forum, or leave them in our comments section! Contest ends on June 15, 2010.
Reader submission by Karla B.
Uncle Walter cannot verify
ownership
of submissions, but he'll take your word for it
Troubled Heritage -- Jeanne Wilson
"No, no no. You put your RIGHT foot in, take your right foot out, THEN you shake it all about!"
Posted by: Deanatroi | 06/01/2010 at 09:43 AM
Hmm.. teenage looking daughter, mom looking unconcerned, big dude looking over the shoulder like "WTF?"
Here goes..
She'd snuck out of the house for forbiddenn knowledge, but somehow her mom always knew.
And sure enough, her mom appeared out of nowhere just as she was doing right now!
"WTF, that's yo mom?" her surprised dance instructor said, completely startled by her mom's sudden appearance.
"Hi honey, you forgot some things, did the teleporter forget to send something with me again?"
Yeah, the entire back of her dress..
Posted by: Matt | 06/01/2010 at 01:49 PM
... I know a secret down in Uncle Tom's cabin...
Posted by: Matt's Sis | 06/01/2010 at 07:45 PM
Okay, here's a bit of a hint on how to do this... we need TWO pieces. Like Matt's Sis for example, would that be the header or the under picture caption? What would go WITH it? It must be able to be broken up. Otherwise we have to come up with something.
Posted by: The Wife | 06/01/2010 at 10:47 PM
Shoot now that's REALLY hard! What if one person comes up with header and another comes up with the caption? Just saying - could happen (maybe - who knows with our crowd!)
Posted by: Deanatroi | 06/02/2010 at 12:54 AM
Not a caption - just an observation. Looks like he's really happy to see her mom!
Posted by: Deanatroi | 06/02/2010 at 12:58 AM
I have no clue. I just heard the song, so all I hear is the next line: I know a secret that I just can't tell.
However, does that cover remind you of the movie poster for "Mandingo" at all?
Posted by: Matt's Sis | 06/02/2010 at 01:43 AM
Okay, maybe it's just us, but the reason that we thought this cover was horribly racist was because it looked like the man was trying to attack the woman, not like they were embracing. But if that's not what you guys see, I'm glad.
D, if two people win then two people get prizes!
MS, I had to find the one you meant. All I remembered was the one with the white arms around a black torso. Rerelease? Anyway, yeah, it DOES remind me of that poster.
Posted by: The Wife | 06/02/2010 at 07:01 AM
Hold me Closer Tiny Dancer....
Don't pay attention to your mom at all...
Because you know candy cane stripes were soo last year
or the totally wrong one -=-
Damn this infestation of white women!
You pick one and another just pops right up!
Posted by: Cheshire-Cat | 06/02/2010 at 08:52 AM
No it's not just you, she really doesn't look happy to see him.
Posted by: Matt's Sis | 06/02/2010 at 08:58 AM
Okay then, one more question: What made people assume that's her mother? I got the impression it was a contemporary.
CC, Not bad!
Posted by: The Wife | 06/02/2010 at 09:06 AM
Header:
The next move he was going to teach her was the Mamba....
Caption:
But this did not involve dance moves but the Black Mamba in his pants!
Posted by: Deanatroi | 06/02/2010 at 09:34 AM
Header: Trouser Snakes on a Plain!
Captions: "I told you I don't like no Mother$@*# snakes on no God *#@! plain!" -HER
"I already *#@!*ed your mom." -him
"MOM!"
"Yes?"
Posted by: Matt | 06/02/2010 at 09:37 AM
http://www.foxnews.com/scitech/2010/06/01/scientists-unlocks-tiny-mystery-matter/
Meanwhile... Reuters, by way of Fox News, is writing about CERN building a Large HARDON Collider...
(Paragraph nine by the way.. after light on dark matter header.. or as follows:)
LIGHT ON DARK MATTER
In its turn, specialists say, this could help shed light on what is the dark matter that makes up about a quarter of the universe alongside the some 5 percent that is observable and the remaining 70 percent invisible "dark energy."
"This is really exciting because it shows that there are things beyond the Standard Model," said James Gillies, spokesman for CERN -- the European Organization for Nuclear Research on the border between Switzerland and France.
The search for concrete evidence of dark matter and of what it might be is part of the work of CERN's LHC, or Large Hardon Collider, the world's biggest scientific machine that began operation near full force at the end of March.
Posted by: Matt | 06/02/2010 at 09:43 AM
I dunno. Neither looks old enough to be the other's mother. Although, I don't get why the one chick is just sitting there when her friend appears to be in distress.
Oddly enough, it looks like he's trying to tear her dress off & throw it down the hill (that is a steep hill, right?) or throw her out of her dress down the hill. I can't pick which it is.
Posted by: Matt's Sis | 06/02/2010 at 09:43 AM
Lift and fling, she'll come out of dat thing!
Posted by: Matt | 06/02/2010 at 10:19 AM
Darkness of the night meets Whitest of the white!
Posted by: Jain Daire | 06/02/2010 at 01:31 PM
Meanwhile, inside CERN's Large Hardon Collider:
We see Dark Matter on Light Matter as a Tau Neutrino roughly molests two Muon Neutrinos with his Dark Energy.
Posted by: Matt | 06/03/2010 at 10:05 AM
"Alright! Alright! Break it up you two! There's certainly enough of me to go around!"
Posted by: Deanatroi | 06/03/2010 at 03:25 PM
What's scary is I can imagine the chick on the LEFT saying that instead of the dude.
Posted by: Matt | 06/03/2010 at 04:35 PM
Guess who dies at the end of this book?
Posted by: Jain Daire | 06/03/2010 at 07:34 PM
Either the kid, or the dude.
Posted by: Matt | 06/03/2010 at 08:19 PM
Jerry Springer's Shocking Ancestry Revealed!
Even his great, great, great grandmother and her sister had to be pulled apart after their picnic took a shocking turn when the comment was made that "You are nothing but a Satan worshiping, hermaphrodite husband stealer who slept with your own brother!" It was a hard family to grow up in!
Posted by: Cheshire-Cat | 06/04/2010 at 08:18 AM
Nintendo's Wee.
Now you're playing with POWER!
Posted by: Matt | 06/04/2010 at 10:44 AM
Girl on the ground: Sorry, I can only give that Viennese Waltz a seven. Would've been a six but Chad gets a point for taking his shirt off.
Girl dancer: Damn it all! I slaved for days on this waltz, and my mother made this costume with her own hands! You're so not fair.
Guy: Hey, look, I'll take her top off too! Will that get us a ten?
Posted by: Elizabeth L. | 06/04/2010 at 12:30 PM