Uncle Walter's Bad Romance Novel Covers

Along with his Louis Vuitton, he was breaking out into Plaids

The worst of it was that his knock-offs weren't even very good. Unless he was trying to make his plaid look like a Serape. In that case he was succeeding rather well.

Counterfeit Laird -- Erin Yorke

To raise a village

Its ugliness bonds them together.

It Takes a Baby -- Dee Holmes

Bow down before the one you serve

And you'll get what you deserve. If not the leg extension you so desperately need, at least the boob job you could clearly use.

Knight of Fire -- Shannon Drake

The role of Stacy's Mom will be played by Julia Roberts

I could tell she liked me from the way she stared... And from the way she'd stand in front of the window every afternoon and do a little peepshow for me. That kind of gave it away.

Belle -- Melanie Jackson

When I'm feeling blue, all I have to do is...

...get stupid tribal tattoos to make me feel cool.  And think of you.

Predestined -- R. Garland Gray

Wait, wasn't that dress white when we started?

Her fashion sense may be lacking, but his bolero is HAWT.

Golden Promise -- Phyllis Herrmann

He's totally faking it

He's just trying to get a pity fuck.

One Lucky Lord -- Kim Bennet

The safest thing to do in a thunderstorm

Strip off your clothes and ground yourself with the nearest unconscious woman.

Heart of Thunder -- Johanna Lindsey

Hypothermia passion was their turn on

It's a distant cousin to auto-erotic asphyxiation.

The Heart and the Rose -- Nancy Richards-Akers

This can't be right...

...Because nowhere in my fantasies, let alone my wildest ones, would you have a mullet and your breasts be bigger than mine.

In My Wildest Fantasies -- Julianne MacLean