Uncle Walter's Bad Romance Novel Covers

Me Conner MacLeod of the clan MacLeod, You Jane

Being an immortal, Connor's acrophobia made even less sense. But Jane allowed him to "swing" her from five inches off the ground anyway. Personally, she'd just as soon walk. Or maybe ride the bus.

Highland Bride -- Janet Bieber

There's no genie in there...

...and rubbing it won't keep our viking canoe afloat.

Tender Marauder -- Linda Lang Bartell

She made him an offer he couldn't refuse:

Either stick the thing in someone's bed already or ditch it, 'cause it's starting to smell.

Desert Bloom -- Ronda Thompson

FTD -- The Fabio Experts

It's like a "plot" from some porno.  Delivery man arrives with a bouquet from sub-standard boyfriend, so to make up for the lack, offers himself instead.

Flowers in the Storm -- Laura Kinsale

Again the drapery

Fashions by the Sears home decor section.

Again the Magic -- Lisa Kleypas

And you thought the werepoodle was bad!

Those beady eyes, that twitching nose... yeah, they're the spawn of Satan all right.  And the Bunny's pretty frightening, too.

Minx -- Julia Quinn

An all you can eat buffet of man-meat

Now comes with special orange sauce.

Sizzlers -- Diana Palmer, Sherryl Woods, Patricia Coughlin

She loved his manly scent and knuckle dragging ways...

...But she could have done without the mullet and the wayward nipple.

Secret Nights -- Anita Mills

Please! Please! I beg of you!

Put on a shirt! I can't service you sexually unless you put a bag over your head! And maybe your knees.

Love Me Forever -- Johanna Lyndsey

It's a trust building exercise!

He closes his eyes, she tells him how to steer the boat. Fire and hilarity ensues.

Desert Song -- Constance O'Banyon