Uncle Walter's Bad Romance Novel Covers

Who wants a piece of cake?

That's it, say I Do, and you will get a bite.

Meant to Marry -- Robyn Donald

Ooooooh...klahoma

Could this guy look any more gay?

The Devil's Kiss -- Deloras Scott

Not in front of the children!

That is the whitest "Mediterranean" baby ever.

And what is up with her lips?

The Italian Tycoon and the Nanny -- Rebecca Winters

Her cheeks were as pink as the flamingo

When a buff Michael Caine posed with the dollar-store-dressed madam, the designers of this book thought his name was "Crane" - and went with that theme.

Angel's Ecstasy -- Joyce Myrus

Captain Jack Fabi-ow

By the power of greyskull, he is she-man.  What the heck is that on her head?

Captain Jack's Woman -- Stephanie Laurens

To Paternity and Beyond!

Every marriage must start on a firm foundation:  Sand.  And punishing children.  That's at least as important.

Grounds for Marriage -- Daphne Clair

Fabio, the master of all covers...

 

All I can say is wow, I mean can he look any less like a Native American or Viking?  How can those arms be so hairy and his chest be bare?  I have spared you from the Fabio centerfold for now.  These books are equally bad inside and have already graced the bad quote blog.  Fortunately for the world they are no longer in print.

Viking, Comanche -- Fabio

Ugly and Medusa go to Sea

I have opened the book so you can get the full experience.  First of all, we've got the break-away shirt.  We've got hair that goes way beyond wind-swept into wind-tunnel.  Even his hair is flying away, with a ponytail, no less. Mostly, though, we have the ugliest man on a cover that I've ever seen. No one there looks happy.  And who is steering the boat?  This is a conglomeration of hideousness.

In Enemy Hands -- Lynda Winstead

He likes it when they don't move...

This book looks harmless.  Simple elegant words in raised lettering.  But wait, what is that line of blue on the right?  Is there more to this cover?  Why yes there is.  Lets take a look shall we?

Yeah, he likes it when they are unconscious.  I won't even go into all the things wrong with this image.  Feel free to click on it, you will see a larger version.

Hellion Bride -- Catherine Coulter

Yes, I think he is rooting

Seriously he looks like a baby who needs to nurse.  Once again, his shirt is failing him, and he has a mullet.  Not as bad as the love bum, but still bad.  I like how she is caught up in the moment, but still is proper enough to hold her dress up.

Superstitions -- Annie McKnight