Uncle Walter's Bad Romance Novel Covers

I got married to the widow next door, She's been married 2 times before, And every one was a George

She wouldn't have a Willy or a Sam. I'm her 3rd old man, I'm George, George the 3rd I am!

The Third George -- Jean Plaidy/Victoria Holt

The ring, it chose you. Take it... place the ring on the lantern...

Place the ring, speak the oath... great honor... responsibility... fashion sense

Jealousy & A Jewelled Proposition -- Yvonne Lindsay

Déjà vu

Uncle Walter and The Wife are at the beach for the weekend and we've decided that instead of working our butts off to post something new and exciting for the next few nights, we'd just repost something. Specifically, something that made us laugh. Hope you enjoy this blast from the past!

Wedding fever? More like wedding deadly virus. It would look like he were a vampire, trying to bite her, except that she already looks dead. But she's a very tan corpse. Either that or she's fleeing from him. Which is completely possible given how he looks. Which is just this side of zombie.

Wedding Fever -- Lee Wilkinson

Originally posted on Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Prank gone awry?

Or poor planning through a cut-rate online travel service?

Either way? Probably not the wedding night he was hoping for.

Bridal Op -- Dana Marton

For god's sake, woman, would you just let me lead?

We're going to get voted off!

A Rebellious Bride -- Brenda Hiatt

You know, relationships that start on Harlequin covers, they never last

When they met, he was hawking poorly drawn caricatures for a buck a piece. His picture of her with a comically large head riding on a disturbingly small horse won him her heart.

At first they were happy, despite the ejaculatory force of the defecating seagulls.

There were, however, dark clouds on the horizon (you can't see them right now; the sun's too bright).

The inevitible end was painful. After searching for an easy way out, he eventually settled on losing her on the plains to be mauled by wild... rhinos? Anteaters? Elephants with small heads? Whatever. She was never heard from again.

P.S. We don't actually know if those are the same models, and we're too lazy to look it up. But they look alike enough to fool us, so there is that.

Stranger On the Beach -- Lilian Peake
Sea Lightning -- Linda Harrel
Stormy Affair -- Margaret Mayo
Forgotten Bride -- Gwen Westwood 

How do you get your "Virgin White" so virginal, Miss Lee?

Ancient Virgin Secret!

"We need more pig's blood!"

Ancient Virgin Secret, huh?

For those of you way too young to have any clue what we're referencing, here you go:

The Virgin's Secret -- Victoria Alexander

"Love in 60 Seconds" will be woefully unsatisfying, and can lead to some very unhappy circumstances.

Such as getting married in 5 minutes... because of 9 month results.

5 Minutes to Marriage -- Carla Cassidy

The real reason why the Doctor shouldn't "dance"

Birth control is apparently one of those things that slips his scattered mind, and the next thing you know you've got a little kid running around thinking bow ties are cool and eating seafood mixed with dairy desserts.

In other words, you wind up with The Boy. (Shhh, don't tell Uncle Walter! -- The Wife)

P.S. That's just a joke. If The Wife were going to have an affair with a Doctor, it would be with Ten, not Eleven. No offense to Matt Smith.

The Doctor's Secret Child -- Kate Welsh

No shit, Sherlock.

Look at that afro mullet! I can't believe you got a date, let alone a fiancée.

The Unlikely Groom -- Wendy Douglas