Uncle Walter's Bad Romance Novel Covers

And if you can't be with the one you love, honey...

Adequately tolerate the one you're with.

And make sure she knows it.

Second-Best Wife -- Rebecca Winters

Dear Beloved Friend, I know I have never met you but my mind instincts me to do this, and I hope you act sincerely.

I am a dying man who has decided to donate my TEN MILLION ($10,000000) United State of America dollars to you. Kindly contact my secretary Rev. Father Dike Mike at +855973449186 to arrange to transfer funds. When Rev. Father Dike Mike have received your name and address, date of birthday, social security number, bank name and account number I will be in contact you to secure a date for our wedding. Thanks God bless you and your family. Hope to hear from you soon as soon as you've gotting my compensation and please do not get angry because that is what I have for now. Best Regards, Mr. CLEMENT CARL.

His E-Mail Order Wife -- Kristi Gold

Sure Oklahoma allows pregnant kids or kids who have already had a child to get married without parental consent.

But how the hell could he even get it up?

Hook, Line and Shotgun Bride -- Cassie Miles

It was a bit of a surprise on their wedding night.

My, what big hands you have. My, what a broad chest you have. My, what a large Adam's apple you have. My, what small... breasts?... you have. My, what a large... um... Oh.

The Wrong Kind of Wife -- Roberta Leigh

Desperate times call for drastic measures.

He had maxed out his vacation and sick leave, but darn if Disney World wasn't calling and he was going to answer.

The Paternity Plan -- Heather MacAllister

Comic books are much better today than they were when I was a kid!

Back then, all you could get were X-ray Glasses and Sea-Monkeys®. Now you can get a Wife! Too bad none of the products ever work as advertised. She just sits there babbling nonsense, like "сыром омлет."

Mail-Order Mother -- Kate Denton

Should have signed a Prenup.

Though what she's going to do with an ill-fitting chain mail shirt and half a pair of tights, I don't know...

What She Wants -- Lynsay Sands

Strange things are afoot at the Circle K

A Vegas wedding was just too pretentious.

Premeditated Marriage -- B.J. Daniels

How do I... y'know... with the tail and all?

I'm not your first am I? I mean, I-I lay my eggs and leave and you release your fertilizer.

The Mermaid Wife -- Rebecca Winters

Buyer's Remorse

"Why don't we take a nice walk by this cliff?"

P.S. There must have been a sale on oatmeal colored cable-knit sweaters.

Yesterday's Wedding -- Kay Gregory