Uncle Walter's Bad Romance Novel Covers

He was definitely gonna get some

Fire ants in uncomfortable places, that is.

Dawn Shadows -- Susannah Leigh

No, no, it's totally normal. Really.

Even Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson does it!

Touch of Lightning -- Carin Rafferty

A Trip to the Renaissance Faire

He was okay with the dorky clothes, but no way was he gonna give up his Aquanet and feathering, even for a day. Not even for a turkey leg.

Lover's Knot -- Louise Clark

That's rigor mortis, not a loving embrace

How can we tell? Well, the broken neck for one!

Forever His -- Colleen Faulkner

Dancing with the (Romance Novel) Stars: Winners!

This team wowed the judges with a spectacular use of color-coordination. The props matched her hair, which matched his mullet, which matched his impressive and porno-licious mustache.

Congratulations, you clever couple!

Sweet Texas Kiss -- Rebecca Sinclair

Dancing with the (Romance Novel) Stars: Day 5

This couple gave it a good go. They made it relatively far in the competition. But a slippery floor and some poorly placed ribbons became their undoing. The broken wrist was a disqualifying injury.

Master of Moonspell -- Deborah Camp

Dancing with the (Romance Novel) Stars: Day 2

With costumes that were both unwieldy and too revealing, this couple was eliminated in the second round.

Lord of the Night -- Cara Miles

Oh. Um. Yeah. We spent some time together in prison.

Let me guess. Judging by... his size... I'd say you were the bitch, am I right?

Because You're Mine -- Nan Ryan

No scissors, no glue, no mess! Nothing but fun.

Colorforms Romance Novel Cover Model sets are more fun than anything!

Chasing Dreams -- Jaclyn Reding

Jane says, "I'm done with Fabio!"

"He treats me like a rag doll!"

Her romance with Topaz Man was short lived, and she would later say that she's never been in love and doesn't know what it is.

The Shadow and The Star -- Laura Kinsale