Uncle Walter's Bad Romance Novel Covers

A scourge of midgets is roaming the forest, seeking out narcoleptic women to molest...

They have few natural weaknesses. But, if caught unawares, they may be frightened off by threatening to report them to something called "The Lollipop Guild".

Come Love a Stranger -- Kathleen E. Woodiwiss

I see you've managed to get your shirt ripped again.

Honestly I don't know why I buy you those things. I might as well let you go out topless!

Christmas Miracles -- Colby Core

You know anything about this?

Look. See that red spot over there? That wasn't there this morning. I checked.

Northern Exposure -- Jayne Rylon Mari Carr

So what have we got. People being snatched from their lives and dropped into an endless shifting maze that looks like a 1980s hotel with bad dreams in the bedrooms.

Well apart from everything else that's just rude.

 Wicked Pleasures -- Tori Carrington

You will travel far, my little Kal-El. But we will never leave you...

Even in the face of our deaths... the richness of our lives shall be yours. All that I have, all that I've learned, everything I feel... all this, and more I... I bequeath you, my son.

Your mom... she bequeaths her poor fashion sense. That will probably translate to underwear and tights...

Anybody's Dad -- Amy Fetzer

Brought to you by the Chemo Kama Sutra!

The latest title in the "Melanoma Romance" series.

Incubus -- Janet Elizabeth Jones

It’s true that every time you hear a bell, an angel gets its wings.

But what they don’t tell you is that every time you hear a mouse trap snap, an Angel gets set on fire.

Ashes of Angels -- Michele Hauf

Caption courtesy of Deep Thought's by Jack Handy

Sorry Daddy, but Big Al says I have to set an example when someone doesn't pay up

It's OK, though. He says you'll be sleeping with the fishes when the tide comes in. Doesn't that sound nice?

Stand-in Wife -- Karina Bliss

Don't turn your back, don't look away, and don't blink...

I think there's something watching us.

From The Mists of Wolf Creek -- Rebecca Brandewyne

P.S. Yeah, we know we did a "Blink" caption before, but we love that Dr. Who episode.

The carpet matches the drapes...

And the drapes match the dress...


And the dress matches the linens. Continuity!

Sins of a Duke -- Suzanne Enoch