Uncle Walter's Bad Romance Novel Covers

Sequestration has hit the Texas State Troopers especially hard

The shirt budget was the first to go.

Lone Star Surrender -- Lisa Renee Jones

More like "Arrival Imminent"

How, exactly, did they miss that?

Ah, yes.

Because the possibility of sex is waaaay more important than the destruction of the planet and/or the end of the human race as we know it.

Halfway to Heaven -- Susan Wiggs

GMOs were really getting out of hand

They were officially lost and they hadn't even left the paddock.

Fortune's Fire -- Barbara Cummings

Velcro? Static electricity? Sheer force of will?

Even he's not sure how she's staying on. Though, to be honest, he also doesn't really care.

Dark of the Moon -- Evelyn Rogers

Why so sad, Topaz Man?

Is it your hair? The unibrow?

Or your manly chest pelt getting caught in your chain mail?

Or is it because your character's name is "Urien Fitzroy?"

It's the name, isn't it?

A Warrior's Quest -- Margaret Moore

Dude, they took my dad away. They even shot one of his fellow hares. And now they're after me!

Do you know anything about Easter? What is the connection between Jesus and rabbits and colored eggs?

A Baby by Easter -- Lois Richer

What most people see as junk, he sees as dollar signs.

He's also boss at bundling. He got the car and the woman for a steal.

A Vintage Affair -- Elizabeth Barnes

It was a match made in a hairy, deformed heaven

Her filmy dress adheres like Velcro to all his body hair. Which is a good thing, seeing as she's missing so much of her anatomy.

Other times he wears a vest to protect against static buildup.

There's no excuse, however, for the bloomers.

Scottish Ecstasy -- Rebecca Sinclair

Oh, god, the hand! It's coming again!

Hold on tightly! We'll make it through this somehow!

A Gentle Magic -- Emma Craig

Zombie Defense Strategy #15

Overly dramatic knee to the groin. Probably would have been more effective if she didn't have wispy trails of material to grab on to and he didn't have a Truckasaurus hand. If she can break away she'll have a chance, though. He won't be able to chase very well with only one leg.

Enchantress -- Constance O'Banyon