Uncle Walter's Bad Romance Novel Covers

Even he looks confused

And, really, who can blame him? That is one bizarre cluster-fuck of subjects to have crammed into one book. A Mayan Vampire Monolith?

Eternal Craving -- Nina Bangs

In the not too distant future, somewhere in time and space...

"Please be careful, this will be boring."

Her Private Bodyguard -- Gayle Wilson

You ever parked your bicycle in an airplane hangar?

Subtle, cover designer. Veeeery subtle.

The Adventures of the Stainless Steel Rat -- Harry Harrison

P.S. Yeah, yeah, not really a romance. Unless you count the crush that The Wife had on Slippery Jim when she was but a girl.

Don't think the Glowstick of Destiny is cutting it this time.

Performance issues. Not uncommon. One in five men...

The Dare -- Susan Kearney

What can it mean, Jelly Bean?

Sure, the mullet, fringed suede vest, bicep knife, and Mr. T-brand costume jewelry are mind-boggling on their own. But it's the pair of black Handerpants™ that truly sells it.

Nighthawk -- Kristen Kyle

Some things are meant to be left in the past.

Those clothes for instance.

Yesteryear's Love -- Janet Quinn

Romance Novel Cover Models: Where are they now?

Woman in tiny "bathing suit" then:

Woman in tiny "bathing suit" now:

Some things you just can't un-see.

Diary of a Nympho The Step Mom -- Kelly Haven

What happens when you don't forward that chain letter to 10 people.

He needs to update his life insurance policy -- like, yesterday.

Lucy and the Loner -- Elizabeth Bevarly

How do I... y'know... with the tail and all?

I'm not your first am I? I mean, I-I lay my eggs and leave and you release your fertilizer.

The Mermaid Wife -- Rebecca Winters

Damn it!!! The future is too messed up!

I finally figured out how to use the three seashells.

 

Do I even want to know what I'm supposed to do with stones?

Five Smooth Stones -- Ann Fairbairn