Uncle Walter's Bad Romance Novel Covers

Makes you feel real loose, like a long necked goose...

 

Can you start practicing your kegels, please?  I mean, it's like throwing a toothpick into a volcano.

 

Rigid as a board, light as a feather

 

 

Does the yellow help with the levitation act do you suppose?  It must.  Otherwise, why add THAT much yellow?  I bet it distracts everyone by how bad the magic show is.  Illusions by yellow!

Frolicking through the flowering vaginal fields

 

 

No hidden messages here.  None at all.

When Tattoo decided to stop watching the planes and start shooting them down instead

What woman wouldn't want a steam powered locomotive between her legs? 

I thought you said you were horny, not thorny!

 
That flower is touching him in uncomfortable places -- like the backseat of a volkswagon.

Me Conner MacLeod of the clan MacLeod, You Jane

Being an immortal, Connor's acrophobia made even less sense.  But Jane allowed him to "swing" her from five inches off the ground anyway.  Personally, she'd just as soon walk.  Or maybe ride the bus.

FTD -- The Fabio Experts

It's like a "plot" from some porno.  Delivery man arrives with a bouquet from sub-standard boyfriend, so to make up for the lack, offers himself instead.

And you thought the werepoodle was bad!

Those beady eyes, that twitching nose... yeah, they're the spawn of Satan all right.  And the Bunny's pretty frightening, too.

An all you can eat buffet of man-meat

Now comes with special orange sauce.

Please! Please! I beg of you!

 

Put on a shirt!  I can't service you sexually unless you put a bag over your head!  And maybe your knees.