Uncle Walter's Bad Romance Novel Covers

The ring, it chose you. Take it... place the ring on the lantern...

Place the ring, speak the oath... great honor... responsibility... fashion sense

Jealousy & A Jewelled Proposition -- Yvonne Lindsay

He would only have her body. He would never have her heart, her mind, or her soul.

He could totally respect that.

I Do -- Mimi Riser

Unsurprisingly, the "skills" of drinking one's own urine and staying at hotels doesn't really help someone survive.

Should've listened to Les intstead.

Hunter's Moon -- Bobbi Smith

The high cost of medical care leads some men to attempt their own surgeries.

Or course, it would help if he had some understanding of where the vas deferens is located. He probably should have bought "Home-Vasectomy For Dummies."

His Conquest -- Diana Cosby

More like "Arrival Imminent"

How, exactly, did they miss that?

Ah, yes.

Because the possibility of sex is waaaay more important than the destruction of the planet and/or the end of the human race as we know it.

Halfway to Heaven -- Susan Wiggs

She's up to something nefarious!

She makes $5.25 an hour. She can't afford to be nefarious.

Mommy in Training -- Shelley Galloway

I don't think either one of you are familiar with your problem.

You're gonna need a bigger Trochus.

Erin's Ecstasy -- Sylvie F. Somerfield

Edited into AWESOMENESS by one of our Tumblr followers, staysandstories!

Just give my patented Xtend-o-Neck a moment to adjust

Any minute, now.

If you're impatient you can kiss my nose. It will be within reach in about 30 seconds.

Master of Mahia -- Gloria Bevan

What could possibly go wrong?

Everyone knows drilling platforms are foolproof.

Well, okay, mostly foolproof.

Okay, somewhat foolproof.

...

We got nothin'.

Claws of a Wildcat -- Sue Peters

When there's no more room in the refrigerator...

The Devil roams the Earth (on horseback).

Devil On Horseback -- Elizabeth Graham