Uncle Walter's Bad Romance Novel Covers

For me? You shouldn't have.

No really, you shouldn't have. You kept the receipt right?

Whose Child? -- Susan Gable

Rocky, I don't even know what you look like. - Can I touch your face?

Oh, God. Oh, God. What is this? What is all this? Am I touching the outside of a house?

A Touch of Love -- Patricia Hagan

Alternate Title: Douche photos used as profile pics on social networking sites

Although, to be completely authentic, it really must be accompanied by a barely coherent message riddled with grammatical errors, asking to be your "friend."

The Loner -- Rhonda Nelson

...I'll never understand? That you can never be nude?

I'll understand more than you'll... never know. 

Quinn's Inheritance -- Judi Lind

There was once a prince, and he wanted a princess, but then she must be the right Princess.

There were plenty of princesses, but whether they the right princess he had great difficulty in discovering; there was always something which was not quite right about them.

Every time he found someone who said she was a princess he took her to the bedroom and laid her on twenty mattresses. In the morning he would ask how she slept. If she responds, "WHY ARE YOU IN MY BED!" then she was not the princess for him.

The Duke is Mine -- Eloisa James

Oh yeah? What rules might those be?

The rules of physics? Of gravity? Of spacial reasoning?

Or the ones about not kidnapping random children from their dense forest homes?

The Right Stuff -- Merline Lovelace

Stop moving, both of you. That is a devil's snare tartan!

You have to relax. If you don't, it'll only kill you faster!

Highlander Most Wanted -- Maya Banks

I don't care if you saw it on a "reality" show. You don't drink your own pee and...

You don't brush your teeth with your shoes. That's just nasty.

Fetish -- K. Elliot

Who would Brian Boitano do If he were here today?

I'm sure he'd lick an ass or two, that's what Brian Boitano'd do.

Diamond On Ice -- Lacey Dancer

Say it with us: "Graphic Designers are worth the money." Now repeat it until it sinks in.

Your romance novel cover should not resemble The Sims™. Especially not pre-expansion pack.

Summer Heat -- Jaci Burton