Uncle Walter's Bad Romance Novel Covers

For once lasting 8 seconds is considered a good thing

Now if only he can repeat the performance in bed.

Doc Hopper has branched out

 
 

APBs have been issued for thick, hairy, muscular legs, last seen on mulleted, moobed men.

Got a whale of a tale to tell you lads

And yet another life is lost as Fabio crawls from the depths of the ocean to drag away a woman by her ponytail.
 

Hovering torso steals woman, news at ten

Just relax young lady and your uterus and I will whisk you away

Maidens roasting on an open fire

Earwax sniffing up my nose.

She asked for a jacuzzi. He did the best he could.

She wasn't really amused.

Leeches are a natural aphrodisiac

He took all his lovers to the swamp.  He never figured out why they became anemic.

That's taking her Titanic fantasy just a bit too far

Next she'll have to live out her Avatar fantasy.  But where will she find enough blue body paint?

Moobs in Spaaaace!

The mullet they throw in for free.

Love me, damnit! I said LOVE ME!

You can lead the horse to water, but sometimes you just have to toss it overboard.