Uncle Walter's Bad Romance Novel Covers

Me Conner MacLeod of the clan MacLeod, You Jane

Being an immortal, Connor's acrophobia made even less sense.  But Jane allowed him to "swing" her from five inches off the ground anyway.  Personally, she'd just as soon walk.  Or maybe ride the bus.

There's no genie in there...

 

...and rubbing it won't keep our viking canoe afloat.

She made him an offer he couldn't refuse:

Either stick the thing in someone's bed already or ditch it, 'cause it's starting to smell.

FTD -- The Fabio Experts

It's like a "plot" from some porno.  Delivery man arrives with a bouquet from sub-standard boyfriend, so to make up for the lack, offers himself instead.

Again the drapery

 
 

Fashions by the Sears home decor section.

And you thought the werepoodle was bad!

Those beady eyes, that twitching nose... yeah, they're the spawn of Satan all right.  And the Bunny's pretty frightening, too.

An all you can eat buffet of man-meat

Now comes with special orange sauce.

She loved his manly scent and knuckle dragging ways...

...But she could have done without the mullet and the wayward nipple.

 

Please! Please! I beg of you!

 

Put on a shirt!  I can't service you sexually unless you put a bag over your head!  And maybe your knees.

It's a trust building exercise!

He closes his eyes, she tells him how to steer the boat.  Fire and hilarity ensues.